Another Loss

Can you believe May is here??? April was supposed to be a month of relief and relaxation but it was nothing but that.  Work was so busy and stressful, which lead to some extreme teeth grinding at night, which lead to a broken tooth! Wait it doesn't end there! Dealing with the major tooth ache I had to rush to the hospital for something unexpected. Something unexpected yet expected at the same time. My father's mother, my grandmother had suffered a massive stroke. This was not the first stroke she had suffered but there was no coming back from this one. 

My grandmother was a single mother of eight. She loved all her children and always made family unity a her main goal.  My father was very close to his mother and when my dad was alive they would talk on the phone every single day,  multiple times a day! Because of their close relationship my grandmother was a big part of our lives. 

My grandmother was very funny and knew how to tell a great joke, something she shared with my dad. After my dad died she had a stroke and was not really herself anymore. Losing her first son made her fall into a depression and this did not help her recovery. When all this happened we really made an effort to visit her on a weekly basis but with time we slowly stopped. My visits stopped mainly because every visit made me feel very sad.  It was very selfish of me but I think during that first year I had to be a little selfish to make it through the days, weeks and months.  In retrospect, I regret it. 

I can't turn back the hands of time and all I can do is move forward. I live with so many regrets and I will probably never be able to let go of them. All the pretty memories I have with my loved ones help me get through the days, weeks, months and years.