Quarantine 2020

I have lost track of time. I don't  remember how long we have been living this new way of life. I was fine in the beginning. This week I am struggling. I can't focus. I want to be out and about. I want my old life. I miss my old life. I want to enjoy my daughter, freely. I don't want to live in fear. I don't want her to grow up living in fear. I know this will take time to go away and for us to go back to our old lives, or maybe we will never go back to our old lives. But I hope we do. I will continue to be patient and will continue to find the silver lining in this, because I always tend to rely on those silver linings. 

Finding Any Opportunity

I find it hard to pull out my big camera and take photographs since the birth of my daughter. It just seems like so much to carry.  Lately, I've been trying to take more pictures with my cell phone since an opportunity to photograph things with my camera seems almost impossible at this time. Today, I went to my very neglected back yard and followed a ladybug. She was  enjoying our very overgrown grass. I think I could have spent hours out there just following her every step. It’s amazing how you can find beauty anywhere, even in a very neglected back yard. 

Changed Opinions

I was planning of writing a post about the struggles of motherhood, but I didn’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer since my last post was about mourning.  I was at my moms house the other day and she had these beautiful Trader Joe's flowers, which got me thinking of Spring! Oh my Spring is around the corner and I’m not sure I am ready to let go of winter. I have been craving a rainy, cloudy day and I don’t know why.  This is a first for me. I generally enjoy summer and sunny days. So, I am quite surprised. I’ve been noticing in the past year or so I have been changing my thoughts and feelings towards a lot of things. Another example, I have disliked eggs my entire life. I’ve tried to eat them because of their nutritional value, but I never could. However, recently I think I can tolerate eggs. It’s the strangest thing. I’m really confused with myself. What other things will I like that I disliked before or vice versa? Is this me maturing? 

Our City is Mourning

I’ve been writing this post for about a week. I believe everyone has now moved on to the super bowl excitement and more importantly the half time show! But in all reality, I am still in a state of shock and sadness.  A celebrity death is always sad but distant to my personal feelings or life. However, the death of Kobe Bryant seemed a lot more personal. I was born and raised in Los Angeles, so Kobe Bryant was a local celebrity to me. He was a celebrity that brought our city so much pride. While I’ve never met Kobe, I saw him play in all his glory for many years. I am a Lakers fan. I am a Kobe fan. So, when the news of his death broke, I was in disbelief. I was heartbroken. How could this be? How is this fair? How is this possible? These are just some of the thoughts that were running through my mind while I tried to hold back the tears.

As the days went by, I struggled more and more to keep in the tears. I was in a constant state of having knot in my throat with the tears ready to come pouring down at any point. I felt a little silly and maybe even a little embarrassed to cry over a celebrity death. It was someone that I did not personally know, why should I feel so bad? As the week went on, I eventually had to let it out and I did. I was driving home from work listening to the radio and of course all the stations were talking about him and I finally let it all out. I cried and cried, and you know what? It felt good. Sometimes a good cry is just what you need.

I realized why his death affected me so much. I realized he was genuine hard worker at his craft, he was a dedicated father, he was a loving husband and he was a true role model. He had an entire chapter of his life left. We were robbed from a chapter of his life we will never know. We will never what lengths he would have reached.  Regardless of his celebrity status he was human, and he did so much for Los Angeles and for that I don’t feel any regrets for feeling the way I do.

Our city is heartbroken and will never forget the legacy he leaves behind. This past Saturday we went to pay our respects at the Staples Center, the house that Kobe built. These photographs are from our visit. 

What Happened to "Me Time"?

After many months of not logging into my blogger account, I finally did so today. Last year I only published two post on this blog. Wow, probably the worst amateur blogger. I have an excuse! See in 2018, I had a baby girl. She is everything to my husband and I and we love her so much. But! Having a baby is so much work! She turned one in September and she walks and wants to discover everything. As a result, my house is a disaster every evening. My “me time” is out the window. I no longer have any time for myself. I still haven’t been able to balance mom life, work life, wife life and me time. It honestly feels like I will never have me time again until she probably becomes an adult. Okay, I know I am being dramatic, but it does feel like that sometimes. Becoming a mother was something I wanted and love, but I guess I just didn’t realize I would miss my time so much.

I want to start blogging or even posting on Instagram again this year, even if its little short post. What do you guys think? Is it something that is still viable? Does it even matter if its viable since I am not pursuing blogging for a monetary reason? I started this blog as a creative outlet, so I guess it doesn’t really matter if its viable. I guess I just need to start and maybe this can be considered a small version of me time. 

'Tis the Season

This year I have two people very close to me getting married. The first wedding is for my cousin which was in the works for the past 2 years. The second wedding is for my sister which was not expected and is two weeks after my cousin's wedding. The season of bridal showers and weddings are upon me and resulting to be a little stressful. I look forward to the parties in which we will celebrate and honor but man, these things take up a lot of time and stress.

We celebrated my cousin's bridal shower last month and this month we celebrate my sister. Next month are both weddings. I honestly feel like I can't move forward until I am done with these two events. In addition to these two showers and weddings, I have two graduations. I'm going to be very busy this June!😅

p.s This was the bridal shower cake for my cousin. We went low budget with this cake. My aunt bought two white cakes from Food 4 Less and put some fake succulents. Turned out cute! 

I thought I lost it

The other day google was going through some glitches or changes and I wasn't able to find my blog. I seriously thought I lost my blog. I started to panic. I googled "what happened to my blog". I was desperate. I was on the verge of tears. I had a hard time falling asleep. I was worried that I had lost my blog, the work I had put into it. The next day I found it. I was so relieved and then I realized why was I so worried about a blog that I was contemplating on deleting myself? It made me think and realize I still want to blog, I still want to take photographs and I still want to share my thoughts and feelings. I just need to find the time.